I get so many questions in group talks as well as in emails from concerned loved ones who really want to help friends or family to declutter and let go, and this is something I want to address here again today.
The first thing I’d say is that unless the person themselves is on board and ready to move forward that it is unfortunately almost impossible to make any positive change. This involves the person’s acceptance of the issue, as only in this way they will begin to let any defenses down. A person also needs to understand and feel motivated by the benefits of how their life can change for the better after they declutter, and believe it or not, this isn’t always as straightforward as it seems. More than one person with a resistance to letting go in the same home can of course make the decluttering dynamic more complex.
This is why, when helping others to declutter, we need to prioritise the “mindset” aspect of decluttering and anything that’s holding a person back. This needs to be done very gently and carefully, and only this more holistic, all-encompassing approach can guarantee long-term success with decluttering. (I’d always be very wary of anyone who will just mow in and take over with the physical decluttering in the belief that they are doing the right thing as they are not addressing the underlying issue and this can do more harm than good.)
The process of change needs to be honoured, after all we are often looking at overturning years, decades or even a lifetime of thoughts, feelings and behaviours, and in some situations there can be emotional trauma that needs to be managed very sensitively too.
Dealing with the challenge of trying to help loved ones declutter
As frustrating as it is and as difficult as this may sound, unless our family member or friend is ready, the best thing we can do in most cases is support from a place of non-judgement and trust in the right timing. It’s my belief that force is never the alternative.
To end on a positive note, I’ve taught people of all ages and situations to declutter for the first time in their lives and they even learned to love it, and it’s so amazing to see how lives transform well beyond the wardrobe and home when we are ready to move forward, so there is hope.