In my recent Decluttering TV blog on 5 common things we clutter up I discussed clothes as one type of item that we find especially difficult to declutter. When I was shooting the video, I was reminded of an interesting conversation that I had some time ago, and I decided to share it because it really struck a chord with me.
I was at the beautician’s one Saturday afternoon and I met a nice lady in her thirties. Our chat included the usual pleasantries, and the lady mentioned she had an eight-year-old daughter. The conversation came around to what we both worked at, and I briefly explained that I helped people to feel better by teaching and motivating them to declutter.
No sooner than the words were out of my mouth, the lady proudly declared that she was keeping every single item of clothing, footwear and accessory she owned to pass on to her daughter. I got the sense at the time that any opinion or advice wouldn’t be welcome, so I didn’t say anything. It’s important to understand that everyone is coming from a different perspective when it comes to personal possessions and decluttering – that’s something I respect – and it can be a very sensitive area. So we began to chat about something else, and as I drove home afterwards my head was whizzing with questions:
- What if the daughter grows to be bigger or smaller or a different body shape to her mother? The daughter may feel inadequate or that she has disappointed her mother if the items that have been so enthusiastically gathered up for her over the years don’t fit or flatter her
- How will the daughter know which items are appropriate for her specific age? Unless they have a very good labelling system in place, by the time the daughter is old enough to wear adult clothing she’ll be quickly overwhelmed as she rummages through bags of items worn by her mother over various ages and lifestyle requirements
- What if the daughter has a very different signature style to her mother? We all need to dress to reflect our uniqueness and individuality. Even family members can have radically different tastes, and the daughter may feel guilty for not liking or wanting the items
- How many of the items will actually be wearable? Aside from the chore of keeping the items free from dirt, dust, damp and insect damage, style does evolve. Clothing, footwear and accessory patterns and cuts continually change and many high-fashion items are quickly outdated. The inherited items would actually be from a previous generation by the time the daughter gets around to wearing them, and stuff from previous eras can often seem frumpy (and even amusing)
- What intrinsic value will the items have? Some of the items may indeed be sentimental (at least in the eyes of the mother) but in terms of financial value, most items of high-street clothing lose the bulk of their value with a year of purchase
- What message is the daughter picking up about change and the status of material possessions? The daughter will likely have enough of own her clothing and other possessions to contend with and sort through during her life, aside from taking on the weight of all her mother’s items. She is learning that physical “stuff” is of the utmost importance and that change is something that should be resisted
- Where will it all fit? At the most practical of levels, you would want endless storage space to enable the accumulation of decades of footwear, clothing, handbags, and accessories of a single member of the household, not to mind everyone else’s material needs on top of that
I guess the question is “How many of your mother’s clothes you would wear?” I’d love to hear your thoughts so please share your comments below.
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Oh dear, no way would I have worn my mothers clothes………….that lady does have some serious issues…….
Hi Terry, thank you for the comment! The behaviour would cause some concern for sure, and it’s so interesting to see how we all cope with and prioritise the various aspects of our lives.
Loved this- very thought provoking and honest – reminded me a bit of my own mother!!
Hi Cath, thanks very much, I enjoyed writing it. Very interesting that it reminded you of your mam too.
Loved this piece, Breda, rang a lot of bells! Thanks a mill, Trudi xox
Trudi you are very welcome, I’m very glad you got something from reading the piece!
I kept one jumper from each of my parents. My father’s was one that started out as “good wear” and ended up as work wear, my mother’s as something she wore in winter and spring to brighten up her mood. Also a crocheted blanket that they both used when not feeling in top condition, something I do myself with the same blanket. All these items bring back lovely memories
Hi Nora, thanks for your comment – that’s a really lovely sentiment, I bet they feel very warm and comfy too!